he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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