so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
