I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think brook has ever known best
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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