Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we have pet lesbian snakes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
