So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
