dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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