things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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