i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
