i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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