Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize