Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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