There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
