i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
