wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
