..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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