so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
