everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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