so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS