If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?