I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they're like a gay fantastic four
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.