i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
