So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
