If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's get the cat blown out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
