i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
