Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
