ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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