i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
