wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
