But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize