he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
