Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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