I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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