I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
