do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
