dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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