If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are