I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.