my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
