there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
