So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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