everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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