Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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