my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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