I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
