Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
