Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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