I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this boner is exhausting
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
