you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
