i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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