girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
