i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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