sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
