I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
