my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
