In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
