Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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