So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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