you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
