Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
